Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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