I think I died a long time ago.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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