YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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