can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
