I need help removing her.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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