Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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