a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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