Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
