I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
