I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
