what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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