So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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