Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Maybe he injected his testicle?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
