I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He shit in the fireplace
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
