Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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