Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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