How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
