I accidentally had phone sex last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
