Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
