i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
