Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You ruined the universe
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
