Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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