Christians are straight up FREAKS
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
