apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
