So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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