I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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