My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You ruined the universe
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
