Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
