we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
