Are we in a gay sports bar?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
