Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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