No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
