i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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