god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
