I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
