i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
