I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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