Will you blow on my dice?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
