you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
