last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
