sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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