I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He did a backflip because drugs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
