wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
