You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
