Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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