I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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