My room smells like vodka and shame
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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