You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
