using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
