some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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