Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
