just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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