i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
