tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
