What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
